never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
