This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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