every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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