If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Maybe he injected his testicle?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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