Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize