one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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