ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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