dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize