She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
