I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
