The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
