i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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