I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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