Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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