I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
