I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
