If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
