She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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