I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
