my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
