It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
