i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
