I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
God, I missed his penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize