I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize