I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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