wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
