its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
