i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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