yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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