he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
