We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
