i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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