how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
