Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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