PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
