I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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