Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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