Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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