I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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