I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
