4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
