Cold hands, warm shart.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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