Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think my mom watched the whole time
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
