We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
