I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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