Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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