I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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