my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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