to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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