If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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