it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
