i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
