Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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