Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
