Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize