I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize