Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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