Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize