is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
