He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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