So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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