I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
