Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
