Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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