I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
