Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
