I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
