It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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