I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
