who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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