Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
