Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
