Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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