it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
