I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
