we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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