pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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