I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
